ABUSE KNOWS NO GENDER

When we think of the face of domestic abuse, we tend to think of women. Although females fall at the hands of abuse more often, when you look a little deeper, a hidden truth comes to light:

One in three victims are male.

But their story is one not often told.

It is a reinforced idea that men should be stronger than women, we are told they are the breadwinners, the athletes, the leaders. And when it comes to their vulnerability, their feelings… Well, is that even a thing?

“Men can’t be abused”

When a man is abused we don’t just deny it, we ignore it.

Men that have experienced abuse are 2-3 times less like to tell anyone compared to a female. Because surrounding them is a buzzing hive of immense pressure to uphold traditional ideas of masculinity. It’s seen embarrassing and shameful for a man to cry in public, let alone for a woman physically, or emotionally abuse him. For him, there will always be the doubt that nobody would care or even believe him if he were to ask for help. An even more shocking statistic informs us that, male victims are 40% less likely to contact authorities, due to fear of scepticism from police.

The very people, who are meant to protect you, are the same that might dismiss you.

“Who to talk to for advice, family or friends? No way. I looked up in the Yellow Pages. The voice answering the phone at the Rape Crisis Centre said, ‘Only women are raped.’ I spoke to a doctor. She seemed to listen to my stammering for a few minutes and then while scribbling asked, ‘what are you doing to make her behave that way?”

Commonly sighted excuses from both male and female abusers are:

• Coercion (dominance and control)

• Anger

• Punishment

• Jealousy

• Confusion

• Frustration

• ‘Passion’

How are you protected under the Human Rights Act?

• Your right to life

• Your right to privacy

• Your right to personal liberty

• Your right not to be tortured or treated in an inhuman way

“A day doesn't go by that I am not verbally abused.

I am either lazy or thoughtless or I overthink things and don't know how to relax. About once a week it gets really bad. She screams, throws things and breaks them; hit me on the odd occasion. I have a great job, do all the housework, and never deprive her of anything. She has major issues with her parents. Every time she talks to her mother she gets so worked up I wear it. Sex is off the table. I'm either a rapist for trying to initiate anything, or don't love her if I don't try. I'm at the point where I feel suicide or winning the Lotto are my only options.”

Abuse runs in an ever-turning cycle. The way we were treated by our parents, our friends, and our past partners informs the way we treat people in the future. Harmful behavior can become normal to us; we start to un-learn the right and wrong ways to treat people. But no matter how much it surrounds us, we need to be aware. Take a moment; think of the way you've been treating to your brother, your boyfriend.

Talk to them, ask how they feel.

Because hitting, yelling: abusing them is never okay, it is not an acceptable part of expression, of communication. The way we relate to the people close to us counts.

Forms of Abuse:

• Verbal Abuse

• Physical Abuse

• Emotional Abuse

• Social Abuse

• Sexual Abuse

• Belittlement

• Intimidation

• Stalking

And it is often what we can’t see, that hurts the most.

Abuse knows no gender, race, religion, age, ability or disability.

We must start encouraging men to speak out against abuse. Listen. Take each claim as valid. Needful of help, of awareness.

Treat our situations the same, regardless of gender.

Sometimes, communication lacks and it feels as if the only way to get through to someone is to scream, shout and sometimes even get physical. But that is NEVER the way to achieve anything.

If you ever feel yourself getting frustrated or angry with someone, try to take control. Take deep breaths and remove yourself from the situation. Cool down. Try sitting down and respectfully talk to each other. Even have a mediator join you to supervise the conversation; to make sure things don’t get out of hand.

If you feel as though you’re being abused in a relationship.

GET OUT.

It will feel hard, impossible even. You’ll find reasons to stay. You might love them regardless.

But for your own wellbeing, get out.

Even if it doesn’t seem like big deal at first, ‘Maybe they we’re just tried, had a hard day at work, they’re struggling with school”

Every ripple in the pond tends to be the sign of an earthquake from what is underneath the surface.

You are more than your mistreatment.

There are people that love you and care about you. They will support you through this. To all the forgotten suffers of abuse: Men, even if you have try three keys before you open the door to your safety. You will be supported; your claims will not be brushed aside. Abuse leaves long-term scars both physical and psychologically.

Abuse should not be thought of as different for both genders. We are all thinking, feeling beings.

Abuse can affect anybody.

Stop treating it as if it doesn’t happen to men.

Domestic Abuse hits everyone hard.

Need Help?

http://www.oneinthree.com.au/malevictims

Special Thanks to Max McKenna

#abuse #maleissues