VIRGINITY

Virginity vəˈdʒɪnɪti/noun (1) The state of never having had sexual intercourse. "I lost my virginity" (2) The state of being naive, innocent, or inexperienced in a particular context.

‘Popping the cherry’ a widely used, somewhat impolite, slang term for a woman's hymen, a piece of skin, which covers the opening of the vagina. It can be broken in any number of ways including sexual intercourse, tampon use, and vigorous exercise. Its presence, or lack thereof, is still used to prove or disprove a woman's virginity, but we now know that this is an archaic idea. In reality it can be broken in several, non-sexual ways, and many women are in fact born without one.

We have many ideas about the term ‘losing your virginity’, that it’s “The greatest gift a woman or man can give to someone”, that “You can only lose your virginity once, and if you take someone's virginity, you have taken something that they can never get back: it's irreplaceable” As your new age, forward thinking woman, I see this attitude as out dated and totally unrealistic. In every aspect of the way this concept is portrayed, in classrooms and in media, it is most commonly attached to women. The loss of virginity, the way it is thought of now, is representative of a concept deeply rooted in patriarchy. It implies that once a woman chooses to have sex, she is less pure. She is somehow in-virtuously tainted, she has chosen so give herself away. Chosen to give a way the respect and fairness that not only of the society around her but also of herself. And she is told, from the mouths of teachers and friends alike, that no man wants a tainted woman. That she has become lesser. For engaging in something otherwise thought to be deserving of praise and respect, if only she was born with different genitalia.

The idea of virginity as it is now, spawned from standards set for women. There are global practices of Hymenorrhaphy or hymenoplasty or hymen reconstruction, where the female will undergo surgery in her vagina to replace or repair her hymen to prove her virginity if it was accidentally broken or she was born without one. This is a form of genital mutilation that women receive in order to seem pure and desirable, by their community and their male counterpart. We are expected to aspire to marriage, and to serve our husbands. Thus creating a demand for a woman to be perfect, to allure a man, and for one to be perfect they must be pure, innocent and chaste. The idea of virginity is a historically prevalent one. Spoken of in the bible, portrayed by Greek goddess’s, appearing in nearly all religions with a penchant for female oppression. I suggest a re-imagining of the idea.

Sex and virginity are two completely different things. Sex is “Sexual contact between individuals involving penetration.” Virginity in its oldest state, is a concept/opinion placed on vaginas by religion. Things that don’t belong in vaginas are: law, politics, opinions and certainly not religion. To me, virginity is not something you drop and oops, you have lost it. It is currently used to degrade women that have lost it and empower men after they have taken it. But I believe it can be used in a new way, to represent a sacred connection between two people. An experience you have with someone during a sexual intercourse where it was valuable, meaningful and was worthy of the title of a “loss of virginity”.

You could have intercourse with 15 people previously and not feel like you have ‘lost’ anything. The first time is not the be all and end all, and is most likely not the most glamorous or romantic sexual experience you will have, why glorify it and see it as such a huge, impacting experience, unless you feel they earned the title of ‘taking your virginity'?

You are not obligated in any way to give anyone that title, unless you really feel like they have. It is not a shameful thing but a process of love and art that is expressed in physical form.

This is not an attack on religion or anyone’s personal views, but rather another perspective on virginity, to give hope to females and to empower them if they feel pressured or shameful/ regretful about losing their virginity. This was written with rape victims in mind. If their first time was forced upon them, they have lost nothing; they are still a whole person.

Sex does NOT cause anyone to LOSE any part of them. STOP viewing females as impure or less after they have had sex.

Let’s modernise the ideology of virginity, as after all it’s just a construct, and should reflect and suit our forward thinking and sharp women out there.

Embrace your body Stay strong and be bold.

Av xx

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